Kelsi Hasden


She told me they rolled you over
and then you took your last breath
they looked at you in shock
in spite of knowing
that your time was drawing near.
I cried for over an hour
my face was scrunched
in such anguish
that my forehead cramped
I couldn’t get all the sobs out
the torrent of tears
would not cease
and at one point
I couldn’t tell if I was crying
or laughing.

My tears weren’t falling
because you were so recently gone,
they fell because you were no longer
the you I had known in my childhood,
you hadn’t been for years,
but now that change was permanent
-an irrefutable fact-
You weren’t the pillar
that held up so many memories,
that carried so many years.
Old age had gathered you up in his fingers,
causing me to mourn your loss
years ago.

She told me you’re in a better place
that you aren’t suffering anymore
but I can’t get my head
wrapped around the fact
that you’re still gone,
you’re away –
as though you simply
stood up and walked out the front door.


Will I remember
even writing them?
I am scared to stop.
I am scared to do anything else
because what if I cannot do this again?
What if I cannot tap this vein
for another hundred years?
The words flee from me,
leaving me with no memory
as though they were never
the pen does all the talking
the paper just listens.


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